We Need To Talk..

OK so I just want to let you know that before you are able to see the bodacious pictures located further along in this post...we need to talk.
You and me.
Mano y mano.
Capisce?

I have sort of been avoiding this much like you would avoid a toothache...but then the tooth starts hurting more and more and then......
He says those 5 dreaded words...

Well the tooth doesn't, but my dad..you know "Bossman" utters them.
And suddenly you have to sit down because your heart is in your feet and you may or may not throw up.
No one likes that feeling.

No.One.

The blind sided feeling.
I have been blind sided my friends...or are you?

The Heat told me that Bossman asked her if she knew how to retrieve a picture that he had taken with his phone.
Do wha?
Indeed. My dad, the same man who once had an argument with my sister because she put something in the microwave for 1:00 and he said that was wrong it should be 0:60.
It got heated...and I don't mean the hot pocket.

He took a flippin' "pic" with his cellular device.
He can't check his voicemail.
But he took a pic.
He leaves me messages that say, "...Hello?" then he hangs up.
But he took a pic.
Okie dokie.

After The Heat remembered to close her mouth, she saw that it was a picture of a picture of her...he's an aspiring Ansel Adams...she asked him where he got that picture.
And.He.Said....
"It was from Rachael's blog"...

If you're not running now..YouShouldBe.

Upon hearing this, I disappeared into a mental black hole filled with e-v-e-r-y mention of him in my dad-blamed blog plus e-v-e-r-ything I had e-v-e-r done wrong in my entire life.
This blog will be the end of me.
When I regained composure I looked The Heat dead.in.the.eyes and said....
(in a pitch only a dog could hear)..
"WHATdoYouMeanRachael'sBlog?WhoToldHim?HowDoesHeKnow?AmIFired?"

I could only picture myself penniless,homeless,on the street with a sign that read "will breed for food"...
...Maybe I need to rethink that plan...

At any rate, you should know that I will now be hiring an investigator who will interview ALL of you.
Today.
The bad news is the lengthy interviews start now.
The good news is I should know in ten minutes.

Alrighty, on to the biz-ness at hand...
I walked out into my dry cow lot and happened upon this scene..
Daaaaawwwwww...

She had literally just had this little baby girl and was still licking it off.
Actually, I took this after I pulled baby girls head out from under her body.
It just didn't look comfortable that way.
I do what I can.

Two things I want to point out before you smarty-pantsies do;
1.  She only has ONE ear tag.
2.  Said ear tag is in backwards.
I am not responsible for either of these misdemeanors.
JustSoYouKnow.

It's OK because I know who she is.

It's 8416...good cow.

Great mama.

She drives the bus to crazy town, but she is good people.



Sometimes I get that look.

The "come-a-bit-closer-and-we'll-dance" look.

Some scary dance lessons from the past taught me to walk away..
They are big gals but they got moves.

And the thing about these 70 lb. newborns, is that 5 minutes after they are born they are doing this...

Being that their front end is much heavier than their rear end they then do this.....

Until they get to approximately here...



At which point they take a deep breath and on the count of three they end up like this...



By this time they are absolutely starving, so naturally they head here...

Then fall down 36 times, putting them here...

And she never stops licking.