Saturday, September 17

Keys to Working on a Farm: Check Your Blind Spots

What a day, right?
It's, like, 30 degrees cooler than it was last week...OK maybe not 30.
But it's way cooler.
The cows like it.
And I like the I like it too.
Cool, dreary weather makes me yawn....

I know you have been on pins and needles waiting on me to gift you with another pearl of farmhand wisdom...right?
(Just go with it.)
Well it's your lucky day!

This one is a biggie.
It's one of those things that if you forget it will regret it forever.
Trust me.

I had been meaning to throw this "key" out there but kept forgetting until yesterday morning.
I was reminded with a little help from The Heat, while chatting at her house.

Friday, as you know, is my "feed-everything-that-God-created-day"...and some I am certain He didn't.
Anyway, when I got caught up-ish I went over to The Heats house to talk bad about some people catch up.

I was getting ready to leave and go back to the barn when I caught my reflection in the mirror....
LetMeJustTellYou it was windy that morning.
I had a big piece of corn husk stuck in my hair standing straight up ON TOP of my head.

That didn't just happen.
It had been there throughout our entire conversation.

She does this to me ALLLLLL the time.

Exhibit B:
The Heat stopped at the barn Thursday morning to ask me a question, and when she left I reached up to rub my neck..under my chin..and there it was.
A nice, dry chunk-o-cow poo just hangin' out
No biggie.
Hey why don't I just run to the mall and see who notices first?!

Listen, if I ask her why she didn't tell me she will ALWAYS respond with "I thought you knew"....
In that innocent "who?me?" kind of way.
OHHHHH that chunk-o-poo? Shoot, I was just seeing how long it would stay there....
She kills me.

I think she does it on purpose.
Then again, you think I would learn.
Or, maybe she just thinks I really...REALLY..don't care what I look like.
If only I had that kind of confidence.

Last summer I was working calves with an unfortunate-toothed gal who was helping me.
Her tooth predicament means nothing...I just can't speak of her without recognizing it.

Anyway, she and I were sweaty and covered in everything imaginable.
One of the steps to working calves is tattooing the inside of one of their ears, in case they lose a tag.
It's not like "LA INK" though, no 'I LOVE MOM' tats being buzzed out.
Just numbers.

We had just finished with one when these two guys stopped in to talk to me.
They were well-dressed, well-spoken area feed reps.
Being no stranger to working farms, I am sure they didn't think anything of what we were doing.
One of them, however kept giving me the funniest look.
So...I gave him a funny look back..cuz I'm weird like that.

The Heat came by, we all talked, and she left followed shortly by the two feed reps.
Ms. Teefers and I finished the calves and parted ways.
It was lunch time so I got in my truck to leave, glanced in the rear view mirror...glanced again...and finally got ThisClose as I S-T-A-R-E-D in disbelief at the vision before my eyes.

The sweat didn't surprise me...
The electrocution-look that my hair was sporting was nothing new...
HOW-EVER the big black line of tattoo ink from my forehead to my nose, and across my lip...mustache-style was something else.
Something no words can describe.
Something NO ONE felt the need to tell me about...but sure explained the "funny" looks..

So Buddha Bob, what's the moral of the story?

It's simple really.....

Always make sure you apply lipstick evenly?

No. That's not it.
Check your blind spots.
Or else you look like that all the time, and your mom thinks you mean to.


  1. Maybe The Heat loves you so much she doesn't notice your faults!

    Or she giggles privately for the rest of the day.

    Either way, you shouldn't dare deprive her of that...

  2. Oh my dear. Love it. Hillarious. I'm just invisioning this tattoo ink down your purty face.


Lay it on me..