Monday, March 26

Almost Made It...

But not quite.
Yet so far away.

I almost made it 3 weeks into marriage without weirding-out my husband.
Who knew Benadryll overrides your ability to hold your inner weirdo back?
No me.

So here I am, expecting to receive some sort of "I-didn't-know-I-married-a-weirdo" papers today.
Maybe he will wait until tomorrow.

Do you have quirks?
Better yet, does your significant other have quirks that only you know about?
Like maybe they dip french fries in jelly, or wear their underwear inside out?
You still love the weirdo though, don't you?
...don't you?

I like to think I am a fairly normal person, despite my affinity for talking to things that don't talk back.
So what if Beenie and I once made up a song about a hair was a good song!
We had hand movements and everything!

Well it has been brought to my attention that just because I seem normal during the day, does not mean the same holds true when the sun goes down...

All I was trying to do last night was tell Chuck that the back of my thigh was almost frostbit, due to the coconut ice cube that the guy taking the pictures gave that so wrong?!
When he didn't know who I was talking about I got mad, naturally.
I got even madder when he kept asking if I was awake...OFCOURSEI'MAWAKE!
I had been looking straight AT him during this entire adult conversation and he had the audacity to ask if I was awake!?
Since I obviously wasn't getting anywhere, and he was acting so innocent about the whole thing, I huffed out a breath and rolled over.

About that...

I have always been under the impression that when I go to sleep at night, I slip into a coma faster than it takes me to type this.
AsAMatterOfFact I am proud  that it takes me such little time to fall asleep.
No tossing and turning for this gal.

Evidently the 'coma' only affects my memory..not my movements..or speech, as was brought to my attention last night.

How do you fall asleep?
I verynearly always fall asleep on my back.
As soon as the twitching subsides, I enjoy keeping it real by bending my knee, thus making what Chuck calls a "tent".

This "tent" quickly becomes the leaning tower of pisa, seeing as I can get NO traction on sheets.
Only to be whippedstraightbackup, countless times.

Chuck, who doesn't fall asleep so quickly, proudly admits to "leg sweeping" me because the continuous reenactment of the collapse of the tower keeps him awake.

As if the tent action wasn't enough, I would like to welcome the "forehead smack" to the party.
I never had one.single.clue that I do this EVERY night.

So apparently shortly after I slip into my coma, I bring the back of my hand up and rest it on my forehead.
Not a scary concept really, until you take into account the audible "SMACK" that my hand makes when it comes into contact with my head.
I still don't know if this one is correct, because I have no bruising.

When Chuck sees my hand come up, he knows good and well that he is in the "elbow danger zone".
To avoid my elbow coming into contact with his head, he has developed a survival strategy...he uses his hand to throw my arm back down to my side.
It's about self-preservation at this point.

Evidently I have done the forehead smack FOR-EVER, according to Malinda.
I still have my doubts.

But wait!  There's more!

The piece de resistance comes when I do something that I won't even go into detail about.
It scares even me.
Sometimes I try and beg my subconscious to keep me from doing it before I go to sleep.
True story.

This thing is termed the "do this if you want to put fear in your husbands eye" maneuver.
All I will say is it involves propping up on your elbows with your head tilted back while sleeping.
This technique will earn you the "crazy old lady" title later in life.

Chuck decided to bust out the "Rachaels sleeping habits" subject as a party-starter recently.
It was a hit.
You're welcome honey.
Whatever I can do to make EVERYONE in the room feel better about themselves.

Hey, I thought chewing on socks was weird...but that's nothing compared to what Rachael does when she sleeps.

This is me, just giving you another friendly reminder that you could never be as weird as me.
You're welcome.

I see twin beds in our near future.


1 comment:

Lay it on me..