So I'll just give it all to you in one whack.
Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel like something's amiss?
How about when things just seem off from the get-go?
Well, that's not at all how yesterday started.
It was normal.
Did the normal coffee/oatmeal thing, went to work, fed calves...posted the EOM.
Then The Heat sent me a text that said, "jersey laying down in front of yellow house".
That in itself is fairly normal as well.
My far-off dry cow lot runs along the road and yes, there is a yellow house across from it.
I have a jersey, 7769 who is due in 15 days, and I figured she was just delivering early.
Normal cow stuff.
I went out to check on her, and sure 'nuff, she was laying on the ground flat as a board and no baby in sight.
I went to her and could not for the life of me figure out what had happened.
She was laying there, just breathing, not moving, just breathing.
Now waitasecond! Don't call PETA yet...
There's this thing that happens sometimes when cows calve called "milk fever".
It's basically nutrient imbalance, which causes them to get really weak, stumble around and occasionally...actcrazy.
I could elaborate on some circle-spinning, head sideways action...but I won't.
But this...this jersey..did not act like she had milk fever.
This was something I had never seen...heck, Eddie had never seen it either and he's really olllld.
She just stretched out and the only way you could tell she was alive was by her breathing.
I found the calf, a girl, and carried her punk-butt to the barn.
Her 25 lb butt tobeexact.
I caught her out nursing on whatever cow would stand still, so when I took her to the barn I mixed up some colostrum.
She didn't want it.
Picture her, head between my knees while I try and get her to nurse a bottle, with all 4 of her hooves pushing against the back of my legs trying to free her head.
I gave in and just left her alone to thinkaboutwhatshehaddone!
I got Eddie and had him drive the front end loader out to the field to haul 7769 in, since she didn't seem like she would be getting up any time soon.
After putting our minds together we had half an idea of how to get her into the bucket...
Keep in mind that she was not moving.
Her tongue was sticking out.
Making no noise.
We got her to the barn and I decided to IV her with some CMPK(calcium, magnesium, phosphorous) as well as a few other vitamins...I really didn't know why I was doing it but I thought I would take a shot and see what happened.
As soon as I was finished with the IV I took her halter off and, as if we were in the midst of a Baptist revival, she sucked her tongue back in and opened her eyes....
Then she stretched her neck out and jumped up, looking around like she had no clue where she was...
I'll be danged.
Jerseys are the darndest animals.
By then it was lunch time and I was convinced that my super-powers were of the miraculous sort.
I ate then returned to work to start the pump.
We have been pumping liquid out of the top lagoon(it pumps into big silos and we use it to flush the manure out of the barn twice a day) using an electric pump for about a week, however, due to the lack of rain I knew I would have to start the tractor and use the other lagoon.
I started the electric pump and figured I would have about 30 minutes before I would need to shut it off and start the tractor, so I hooked the charger up to the tractor battery.
I returned and sure enough the top lagoon was empty, so I shut it down and unhooked the charger from the battery and started the tractor.
It took a minute, as I figured it would, to warm up so I stood back and watched it puff and splurt out white smoke as well as bits of what looked like straw, from the stack.
I kept standing and watching, alternating between looking at the stuff spewing out of the stack, and the hood of the tractor....
When the tractor had warmed up, I realized that what was coming out of the stack was burnt....and what I had been looking at on the hood was....bird poop.....
It was as if a menagerie had taken residence there in the past week.
Then I put two and two together and just as I came up with the answer.....ffffffffffffoooooooopppppp!
Out of the smoke stack popped a nest that can only be described as one you would find an ostrich egg in, that flew high into the air before landing on the top of the tractor and bursting into flames....
There are no words.
I ran to the tractor, climbed up, brushed the flaming nest from the cab and it landed on the ground where it proceeded to set the ground beside the tractor on fire.
There are very few things I am certain of, but one thing I know without a doubt is that I would be in deep doodoo if I set a tractor on fire...
I ran around, did a little stomping, then finally ran up to the parlor and started getting buckets of water.
Each time I returned to the blistering inferno to douse the flames, I was showered with burning pieces of grass which landed in my hair, on my back and so at this point not only was I running but screaming and throwing water all over myself and the ground.
After determining that all of the flames were out, I called Chuck back and could be seen periodically walking from the office to the tractor, fire extinguisher in hand.
That, my friends, was Tuesday.
P.s. This is the gal that kicked my butt...
...she may look cute but she has ninja blood.