For the past couple of mornings I have waited until daylight-thirty to take a walk back through the field to check on my far-off dry cows.
When I say far-off I mean faaaarrrr off.
However, I believe I have mentioned this before.
Ahem.....
I don't normally check them first thing in the morning but we have been having some domestic dog issues lately.
Those "issues" have involved someones dog...not some WILD dog..this is someones Fido, Spot...or Tulip, and their taste for MY baby calves.
These "pets" are allowed to run free because their owners more than likely think they have the right since they live in the "country".
That'll be fine, because I have the right to take my gun with me when I check on my cows and their babies.
And you can tell them I said that.
Now, I realize I do not have my two dogs on leashes but I'm not real worried because one is blind and the other would be easy to catch, seeing as she stops every half second to scratch.
Anywho, I went out early, didn't see much then came back to do my work.
........But I was being watched....
Have you ever had that 'someone's behind you' feeling?
OK, now have you ever had that 'there's a cowTHIScloseTOyourEar' feeling?
Hello 2,000 pounds of SCARY.
I had my high group locked up because I had a few in it to breed.
When I had given them some time to rouse and head to eat, I walked down the aisle looking for the lucky ladies, and I noticed they were still in bed.
Ugh. Such kids.
I climbed in the group to get them up, because I am Ingrid the Impatient, and as I was walking around the freestalls I felt a...presence...
I glanced over my left shoulder..nothing..
I glanced over my right shoulder....
In yo face!
OK, so 8474 has always been all about some Rachael.
If I am ever just randomly standing around the cows, she comes and stands beside me..but like 3 feet away.
You know, we're close but not thisclose.
She had that look in her eye too....uh-oh....
That moonlight stroll to an old castle for a candlelight dinner look.
Psssssshhhhhhh! Hello! I wasn't born yesterday people.
I am one of FIVE, I know the dealy-o for realy-o.
She was in heat. No biggie. It's actually a good thing...unless she decides to choose YOU as her someone special.
I know, I know I am devastatingly attractive in my manure-splattered blue jeans withAholeINtheBUTT.
But we are not compatible.
Sorry Charlie.
PLUS I'm taken! Hello!
I was not finished getting my lazy girls up so I continued on...and 8474 continuedonthiscose.
It was like a bad dream....
I have had cows follow me before, but really not like this.
Every time I stopped she stopped and licked my jeans....
I finally made it out of the group using my super-sneaky evasion techniques, and gave her the 'HA! You can't fit through the gate' look.
She told me she would wait forever...
I immediately walked into the office and forgot everything that had just happened.
For real. Everything.
I must have because I got my things ready and headed back into that same group to breed one of my cows.
Never thinking twice.
Nice, Rachael.
Apparently unaware, I entered the group on the lower end and started to breed my cow and in literally the blink of an eye 8474 was rightthere behind me.
I was scurrrrrrrd.
One arm in, and one hand guiding the rod, I tried to shoooo 8474 away.
No.Such.Luck.
Now, the "smart" Rachael should have just stopped and tried again later, but the Rachael we all know and love, ahem, was NOT about to waste a straw of $18 semen.
Ummmmm heck no.
Besides I wasn't even through the cervix yet...distracted.
I took turns with my right hand guiding the rod and pushing her head away, and just as I made it through the cervix it happened......
8474's right "knee" was on my right shoulder and suddenly 1500 lbs of cow wanted to chicken-fight and I had to be the one in the water.
No thanks.
So I did what any other tough-as-nails farmer would do...
I yelped....and ran.....
Ironically, I always get hit on by lesbians...must be a family thing?
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