Missing My Passion

Hiya!
I have decided to write this somewhat "random" post today because...ican'tgetawayfromit!
But, seriously.
I can't.
In at least half a dozen instances this week I have seen some form of the phrase, "Find what you are passionate about and do it!", and, "The key to success is figuring out what makes you happy and then making money at it!".
Soooooooo....I sort of feel like maybe this is already something I have written, like in my head.  Maybe predestined?
I'm not sure, but you're getting the raw end of the deal, I'm afraid.
:D.
Since I left the dairy last December and began working for Dr. K, I have had a lot of soul-searching time.
Let's all take a collective sigh.... 
Ready? 
To really understand what it means to be me, you have to first of all grasp the fact that I wake up and do life.  For real, I don't wait for things to happen, I do them.  I'm not a sit-and-wait-er.  I'm a dooooerrrr.
I get up, go to the gym-where if I don't sweat my ever-lovin butt off I am so disappointed.  After that I get ready for work and during the 30-minute drive I am anywhere from, how could I have a greenhouse in the backyard? to, I could totally do professional figure! 
Not impressed?  I'll go on...I really need to go on a mission trip, I wonder how long it would take me to get a degree in ______?, I should really be doing 2-a-day workouts.  When is the best time for me to start building my gardens for next year?  andonandonandon...
Maybe it sounds like I'm not settled...actually it does.  You're right.
I recently figure out the reason I love working for Dr. K.  I like helping him. 
That's it. 
It doesn't matter if I am billing his clients or dehorning 70 calves...I just like helping him. 
I feel like I have been given the opportunity to help someone with such great faith, and who helps so many others, that how could I not want to?
Once I wrapped my mind around why I like working for him, I realized that something is still missing.
That "passion" thing.
You know what that is?
It's cows.
Cows!
Fortheloveofallthatisgood...COWS!
How odd, right?
The fact that something...some animal..can work its way into your soul that you aren't truly complete without them, is kind of crazy.  Am I right?
Some, non-fetching, no-command-knowing, anti-cuddly creature makes me...me.
Maybe you knew that already.  I didn't.
I knew I would miss my cows, but not cows in general.
What a revelation!

Maybe I am meant to be a CowLady afterall:).
We'll see!

Love,
Me

What Being a Stepmom Has Taught Me

I certain little boy turns the big 1-2 today!!
Happy birthday Caden!

I feel so blessed to be a part of his life.

When I first started dating Chuck I can remember Caden being:
Littl-er.
Chubby-er.
Less smelly-er.

Now he is:
Much tall-er.
Skinny-er.
Waaaaay smelly-er....because boys just are. Sorry.
...and I can wear his old clothes-er.
Boy, that last one is such a WIN!

Anyway, life has such a funny way of working out doesn't it?  I mean, the day that Charles(sometimes I use his proper name, justsohecanrollhiseyes) and I met at the gym, I totally had never given any thought to being a step mom.  Yeowza.
Now looky here!  I am stumbling my way through it quite nicely...ish.
you get credit for trying, mk?

I had never given any thought to the amount of space some little person, a stranger to me, would take up in my heart.  I cannot fathom the amount of trust that Chuck had to have in me to introduce me to his son.
My hat is off to all of the single parents out there looking for that someone to become a part of their family.  You have such a tremendous job ahead of you!
Accepting someone not only into your home, but into your children's life takes great courage.  I am so thankful that Chuck allowed me into their lives a few years ago.

Now, for the record I will never say that Caden and I have been super close since the beginning, or even now.  He was a little leery at first, I mean what child wouldn't be?  I wasn't his mom.  He didn't know me from Adam.  I was this person who suddenly showed up everywhere his dad was...and talked.  Seeing as I am not super outgoing, I took a back seat and just tried to be there.  Be available.  Be nice.  Bake treats for him.
Getting to know Caden has taught me that above all else, just being there is so important.
Smiling, asking him about his day, helping him with English and holding my phone under the table with "Google" pulled up in anticipation of a math question.
Caden has this huge heart.  He talks a mean game, but his heart hurts just like mine.
He remembers things in great detail and has the ears of an owl.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful mom, because occasionally I will think, "what would mom do?" and be able to act accordingly.

Having this opportunity to be a step mom to such a loving boy, has put my priorities in place.  I used to enjoy going out on the town and having a big time, but now all I want to do is help provide this stable life for him.  I want him to know that no matter what else happens, his dad and step mom are always going to be here.  They always want him.  He is never an inconvenience to our lives.

I think that children who are used to being "shuffled" from place to place, like nomads, have security issues.  Maybe I'm wrong, it's just my opinion.  That is my greatest fear.

Life is so not about me, and that is one of the greatest lessons I have learned.  Being able to help Chuck have the family he has always wanted for himself and his son is honestly all I want.  I was put here for this purpose, and if all I need to do is love this little boy...then psssshhhh!  I.got.this.

Love,
Me

The Stuff I Said at Church Today...

I was asked to speak at the Mother-daughter banquet at Church, and I just wanted to share my "speech"...that's a very loose term used here....

Anyway, my mom was not able to come so this is mostly for her, since I know I will not stand up and do it again:).

I love you mama.

Making Your Cake and Eating it Too

Happy Mother’s Day!!

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Rachael and I have been a member here at Rio180 for a couple of years now.  A few weeks ago Tammy asked me if I would be attending the mother-daughter banquet, and if so she would like for me to speak…me….speak.  Yeah. My internal response was oddly enough the same way my husband reacted, except he actually said, “Ok, so why did they ask you to speak?”.  I gave him the same answer I’ll give you today…I have no idea.  But I will give Tammy credit; she knew what she was doing when she caught me right after service one Sunday morning.  I am totally the first one to leave.  Hi, I’m that person.  So suddenly I have this small obstacle standing between me and the exit and what am I gonna do?  Of course I will name my daughter after you.  Need a kidney?  We can make that happen!  Speak at a banquet?  No problemo senorita!  Just scootch a bit to the left there…all righty, seeyabye. 

So here we are.  Before I tell you a bit about this person standing in front of you, thinking they’re all somebody, I will tell you what Tammy asked me to speak about, and that’s balance.  Not standing-on-one-leg balance, but balance in our lives and how important it is.  Like I told you a minute ago, my name is Rachael, I am 30 years old and I am frighteningly far from perfect.  Chuck and I have been married for over a year now, and my stepson Caden turns 12 Monday.  I am a fitness fanatic, baking enthusiast, avid blog reader and I work cattle for a living.  My closet is a wreck, I never wash my truck and I am a serial plant murderer.  I have been through some things in my life that have taken their toll on me.  A genuine fear of meeting new people, anxiety over being talked about and a desire to go unnoticed are just a few of the things I struggle with each day.  But each day I remember how much God loves me, and each day I get better at being me. 

So let’s talk about balance and what that means.  I actually entitled this talk, “Making Your Cake and Eating it Too”, maybe if I was talking to a group of men I would change it to “Having” instead of “Making”…because we all know how that goesJ.  The reason I entitled this that way is because when Tammy approached me, she really wanted me to hit on how I bake so much yet still manage to keep a healthy lifestyle.  I would love to tell you that I have this awesome metabolism and I can eat anything I want, but I don’t.  For me it’s a system of checks-and-balances.  I know how good I feel when I have worked out in the morning, so if I am going to have a big hunk of cake, then I make a deal with myself that I will enjoy it immensely, but hit the gym.  We are all busy with our own schedules, then you have your kids activities and friends who want to get together…the list goes on and on…I know.  Caden doesn’t always eat a good, nutritious meal, especially when he has ball games.  Keeping that in mind, I buy no junk from the grocery store.  Occasionally Chuck gets bummed about it, but oh well.  At least I can make every effort to have a nutritious option for both of them while they are home.  Checks and balances.  I have gone from not in shape, to competing, to where I am now…which is pretty content.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I come home and look in the mirror and poke and prod myself to death, but I have to remember that I am not perfect, and I’m not going to be.  If I ate too much candy today then I will make a conscious effort to try harder tomorrow.  When I started a new work schedule last year, I went from working out around lunch to now, where I am waking up 4 hours before I have to be at work to get to the gym.  NO I don’t like waking up that early, but I don’t like the way I feel not working out more.  Checks and balances.  I have a good friend who has no time to workout early or after work, so at lunch she walks around her building.  Maybe that doesn’t sound like much, but it is!  Making an effort to exercise creates the likelihood that you will make healthier decisions during your every day routine.  Ladies, our health is just as important as the health of whomever you are worrying about!  Don’t act like you’re not worried about so-and-so and how she is doing…take care of you so that you can take care of them!   

Women are a lot harder on themselves than men, we hold ourselves up to such high expectations, yet we don’t always expect the same in return.  Why is that?  Is it because we want everything to run smoothly, so if we are in control then maybe nothing will go wrong, and if it does we can just blame ourselves?  I think this happens more often than not.  Marriage is an area where balance is constantly changing.  There is this huge misconception that marriage is easy.  It’s so not!  Marriage is work, and anyone who says otherwise is single.  Boom.  It’s not like working 60 calves work; it’s like tending a garden.  It’s fulfilling to watch it grow and be able to reap the benefits, but as soon as you neglect it you start having trouble.  When the communication stops you might as well invite the weeds in and let them take over, and before you know it you don’t even know where the problem started in the first place.  My husband would agree that not only am I a plant murderer, but I can torture a problem until it screams “uncle!”.  I don’t like for the air between us to ever get cloudy.  I just can’t stand it, because then we get so far out of whack that neither one of us knows exactly how to fix it, and at the end of the day all I want is my best friend to smile at me when I come home and tell me he loves me.  One of my friends told me that something she continues to remind herself is that, “marriage is never 50/50, it’s 80/20, but it’s never one-sided”.  I like that perspective.  Learning our love language has helped me a lot as far as expectation goes.  I now recognize how Chuck shows me he loves me, and that helps me to not have unrealistic expectations.  No one wants to be let-down.  If you realize that your husband’s way of showing he cares is by putting new tires on your truck, instead of hand-holding and touching, then you are saving yourself from being let-down.  We are constantly changing, and so is our love.  If we don’t check in on how “we” are doing from time-to-time, then we get out of balance. 

One last thing I want to talk about is something that has truly changed me.  This may sound futile but I credit it with where I am now as far as mindset goes.  One day, about 2 years ago, I was driving my brother home from school and I turned the radio to a Christian rock station that I knew he listened to.  I had never really listened to it before, but after that day I found myself going back to it periodically.  Finally one day I needed some help, and I turned it to that Christian station and it has been there ever since.  This station balances me out.  The words speak to me, I relate to them.  When I am stressed out about work or life 99% of the time it’s because I don’t have the radio on and I am not putting the emphasis where it needs to be.  Think about it, if we took 3/4 ‘s of the problems we spend our time worrying about-problems that we can’t do anything about but worry-and asked Jesus for help, how much more time would that give us to enjoy what we can change?  Philippians 3:13 says, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking toward what lies ahead.  I press on toward what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us”. 

What in your life is keeping you from a sense of balance?  What can you afford to let go of that is really just another ball you are juggling?  He has given us this beautiful life ahead of us, one that He sacrificed for, not for us to spend worrying, stressing or thinking we aren’t good enough, but for us to learn from and grow stronger as we push towards the goal…the “cake” if you will. 

Visiting the Outdoordogs

My dogherdingcousinAmy lives in a little town called Fuquay-Varina in North Cakalacky.
Ever heard of it?
Yeah, me either, but it is close to Apex and Cary...and probablyotherplaces.  My geography is not so good, but I can sing the "50 States" song!
ANYway...back to my lovely dogherdingcousin...

One word really sums up Amy, or Amo as some people call her..that word is "lovely".
She really is very lovely.
Lovely smile.
Lovely personality.
Lovely to be around.
Just gosh-darned lovely!

Amy has a fantastic blog which you can find here, called "Running With the Outdoordogs".  She is funny, charismatic, and...well...lovely.
Ha!

Amy is married to Steve, who is every safety-patrol kids DREAM.
They have two boys, Beaux and Spruce, 3 dogs and one cat.
You might remember TomCat...from here.  
He's pretty much a celebrity.

When I arrived he was determined to show me he still has the moves...and a slight waddle.

Strangely enough Tom's favorite toy is Onyx..the black German Shepard.
They get along famously.
Onyx puts Tom in her mouth and he goes all feral and swings from her neck.
Besties.

My dogherdingcousinAmy also has two Italian greyhounds, Thunder and Flash.
They are lean.
They are mean.
You can see through them.

 

This is a prime example of their favorite game...hide-and-seek.

This guy is the "hider"...all.the.time.

I got attached, I won't lie.

I had the opportunity to meet a lot of Amy's friends whom I had been wanting to meet!

Listen, Facebook stalking only gets you so far...don'tactlikeyoudon'tagree.

One thing is fo sho Amy has an awesome group of people to keep her entertained, and they are ALL now educated on how to collect semen from a bull.

Youcanthankmelater.

She is blessed, but then again anyone who knows her could say the same.

Now, what you've all been waiting for....

A-LA---bamaandAlaskaArizonaArkansas.......

Love and tiny see-through dogs,

Me

A Poem for My Lovee

Sometimes before you get to the best part of your life,
Plans change and and you are left with inner strife.
I found my peace, and God must have been watching me,
The day I met my Lovee.

The most beautiful gifts we get,
Are those we don't think we're ready for yet.
The best thing that has ever happened to me,
Tilts his head to the side, and with eyes filled with love, calls me "Bebe".

His heart is as big as the sky,
To say he lacks compassion would truly be a lie.
His hand holds mine,
Our lives forever intertwine.

I constantly feel undeserving of this man,
He is my saving grace, my rock on which I stand.
I once was lost, but the Angels found me,
And together we shall be, me and my Lovee.

Happy Birthday lovee!
Love,
Bebe

Missing Person

Last weekend our subdivision had a HOA meeting.
For those of you not sub-divided, that's Home Owners Association.  You'rewelcome.

Coincidentally I went missing at the exact same time that meeting was being held.
I wouldn't lie to you.
For long.
...about anything serious.

You see last Sunday Charles, my love-muffin whoneverlistenstome, had to work and didn't arrive home until after 4.  When he got home he expected to see his beautiful bride (that's me) busy waxing the wood floors (and that's a joke, told ya I wouldn't lie).
Instead, he came home, didn't find me but my truck was there. After calling me 5 dozen times without an answer, he started to panic. 
I know, like someone would take me.
Anyway, he called The Heat, who came over to help him look.  Then he called his dad, who thought maybe I had taken a walk through the field behind our house...because I DO love a good trespassing fine.
Listen, they looked for me FOR AN HOUR, then finally The Heat went creepin through the subdivision and asked a neighbor, who happened to be doing yard work.
I'm not sure what she asked him; "Have you seen my daughter?" or maybe "She's this tall, and looks like me but acts like her father"...whatever it was he responded with, "Oh yeah, she walked across the road into that house for the meeting tonight".
The HOA got me! I got bronchitis!

After The Heat told Chuck where I was, and he saw the letter on the counter announcing the HOA meeting and time, AND she said, "don't worry Chuck, I have lost a few kids in my time" he calmed down.
Thanks mom:).

I was sorry I worried them, but I guess it's nice to be missed...if "you gave me cottonmouth!" is a man's way of showing how worried he was.

That incident, paired with catching up with a college friend, reminded me that I have been a little lost.
I feel like I'm "found" now.  Does that make sense?
No, the biggest thing I want to know from you is, have I let you down?
I feel like when I left the farm I let people down because it was my "thing".
I'm sorry if I did:(.

Know what?  I'm happy.
For reals.  I wake up happy each morning and look forward to seeing Angel, Jenn and Glenn at work.
I enjoy my husband, stepson and home.
I live for my family and my faith.
I live life...every second of it.

Sure one day I will work 75 calves and the next be standing on my knees helping float My Little Pony teeth, but I like it.
FYI ponies have some stanky breath...wow.

I am learning to love people again, people and I broke up for a while but now we cool.
Wait, you aren't seeing someone else now are you?
That would be awkward.

I will tell you this, I listen to Air1 radio station and now instead of driving and worrying/stressing I pray.

Wanna hear something funny?
When I started my new job, right before I would pull in I would say, "please let me love people today".
Yep.
I reckon it is starting to work:).

Chuck and I have Caden a lot more now and that's totally awesome.  He is such a sweet boy and I enjoy him so much.
Even though he smells like Frito's and onions, I enjoy him.
Yep.  Boys smell bad.
Wow.

I am still cooking, though I have slowed down a but since it's warmer and baseball has begun, and I am a consultant for Rodan and Fields, which is a blessing.

So, how bout we try this again?
You know as well as I do we had fun before...so what do ya say??

Ok then, sleep on it and let me know.

Love,
me


 

Braggy-Braggerson

I don't know what it's like to be an only child.

Times infinity.

I have heard from some that it's lonely(Glenn) and some who even seem fairly indifferent on the subject(Chuck). 
Personally, I was never given the option.

I mean, what would I have done without someone to cheat me in hide-and-seek?
Someone to walk me to Kindergarten and first grade? (I was cut-off after that).

I had a whole OTHER closet besides mine to rummage through...like my own department store when she wasn't home.

Who would I have done the exact opposite of???
I could have been the "Golden Child"!!!
-Or a reason to stop altogether (seems more likely).

But I was born second.
And all the difference it has made.

Instead of idolizing characters in books, I had a flesh-and-blood idol living one door down from my room.
So what if her door was locked, the credit card trick always worked:).

 I would go in, lay on her bed or floor and we would talk about nothing and everything.
About friends, people at school or about what our "big plan" was.
I had no idea at the time, but she was it.

My mentor, counselor, tutor, fashion adviser and idol all wrapped up in one lovely package.
She taught me how to expect the unexpected, by always beating me to punch when it came to choosing the easier chores at the barn.

She provided the first ever "You're wearing THAT?!" uttered my way.

She advised me on how to be a good friend, and listener by always being honest when I needed advice.

I credit her with my "try harder" attitude, because she is the hardest working, most intelligent person I know.

When people ask about my older sister I'm certain I become all braggy-braggerson when I'm all like, Oh, Malinda?  Well, after college she went to grad school in reproductive physiology, then on to medical school and residency at Mayo, now she is a Neonatology Fellow at Mayo.
Um yeah, she's kind of a big deal.

And she is.

Besides her academic accomplishments, she is married to her best friend who was by her side through it all, and they have a 2 year-old who absolutely hung the moon!

Yeah, I'm totally bowing my chest out a little now, because she is my big sister.
I'm the lucky one, and I know it.
She was my first best friend, and not one single thing could ever come to close to the bond we have.

Malinda, you are as much a part of me as my heart and I wish you a very Happy Birthday:).

 

Thank you for just being you.

Love,
Bebe