Ten Sweaty Days

 

It has been ten days since the "spider" incident, and I feel like it's been a month. Time really flies when all you do is sweat all day, try to disassociate, then go back and do it again. Since I mentioned the spider, I'll go ahead and tell you what I did about that...

Shortly after I hit "post", I took the front-end loader down the road to trim a very tall, very proud blade of Johnson grass that was incessantly waving in front of one of my hunting cameras. If wind catches a stem of Johnson grass at night, does it really move? Yes, it does. I have approximately 500 pictures of that, thanks. Anyway, I ended up moving the camera, during which I somehow hit/scared/offended a skunk who sprayed directly under the cab of the tractor, after which I headed back down the road telling myself, "I'm not going to stop, I'm not going to stop, I'm not going to stop" and stopped at Arkies. The thought was that I was going to do something about this spider before I have to encounter it again the next morning. I got to the gate and took inventory of what was in the tractor that I could "use". A crowbar, 47 empty water bottles, a chain, 2 empty tic-tac containers, 15 gloves with no mate, and a can of penetration oil. Let's be very clear, some farms credit their longevity to strict equipment maintenance protocols, doing everything "by the book", clear goals and divine intuition. Our farm runs on ratchet straps, bungee cords, zip ties and penetration oil. Facts. So, I grabbed the penetration oil, hopped out of the tractor, and soaked the wooden fence post down. I don't know what my goal was, but I thought I wouldn't want to live in a house that smelled like that. Do spiders smell? Long-er story short, I haven't seen the spider since. Follow me for more tips and tricks. Luckily that was nipped in the bud right before chopping started!

We hire a custom chopper to take care of chopping our corn silage for us, it makes way more sense to do it this way than try and accomplish it ourselves. He has the best equipment and manpower to get done in 3 days what would take us over a month (I'm lying, it would take us longer). He chopped 3,100 tons of corn silage in about 3 days. The moisture level was right so it should ferment really well and be ready to feed in a few months. We are milking just under 120 cows, with around 35 dry cows, and that amount of corn silage will last us a year and change. That was from 170 acres, for any inquiring minds. For anyone who doesn't know, corn silage makes up the bulk of the cows' daily ration, so if you put up great corn silage then your additives (commodities and minerals) should be less, and your output (milk, health, reproduction) greater. Got into the weeds there, sorry not sorry. Chopping is done and nobody got mad and quit. Win win. 

Another thing that happened is that this little boy...

(I mean come on! The sweet smile, the red dinosaur shirt he wore EVERY day! I die.)

Started 3rd grade...

and I am unwell.

I am well aware that the chalkboard thing (as well as doctor aspirations) went right out the window. Some of us are just doing our best ok? He has changed a lot since pre-k and is now set on being a NASCAR driver. Pray for me. Although he has the right instincts, he will take a 90-degree turn on the side-by-side without allowing the gas pedal to become liberated from the floorboard. I'm doing my best Susan. He did say that he would live with me forever, and that we could buy a house and, "just put cats in it"...say no more my darling, say no more. "Cats?" you say? Yeah, my name is Rachael and I have a 

cat problem. More on that next time!

Your Favorite CowLady,

Rachael

Rachael Can't Come to the Phone Right Now

 ...because she's dead.

One thing about me, I don't like bugs. Of any kind. I regularly donate the contents of my garden to birds, rabbits and whatever creature comes along, just because I don't want to come into contact with the crazy insects that tomatoes attract. Will I venture out to harvest a few items when I believe the atmosphere is optimal? Yes. Am I always chased off by some weird black transformer-looking thing with wings? Also, yes.  You might be thinking, Rachael, you work outside! How does that work? Alot of internal dialogue, long sighs, holding my breath and I get stung a lot. Boy if I had a dollar for every time I've been stung...

Anyway, it's very important that you know that about me before I tell you what happened this morning. It was about 4:15, I was already finished cleaning the barn and fetching cows, so it was time to grab the front-end loader and do the farm tour, where I take grain to all the groups of heifers scattered about.  I was on my 4th stop, Arkies, when I pulled up to the gate and saw a HUGE brown spider on the wooden fence post right above where the chain slips over a nail. Now, that same (I'm assuming) spider was in the SAME exact spot yesterday morning when I got there. Yesterday I did what any normal person would do, and I had a 5-minute debate with myself about options and eventually held my breath while I streeeetched my arm out and slowly slipped the chain off the nail directly beneath the death star. The spider never moved. Whew. I got them fed and went on about my way. So obviously the spider knew I would be there today again and was waiting on me. Harassment at this point. I briefly debated saying goodbye forever to the heifers due to the fact that the spider obviously owns this property now and I'm trespassing but ultimately decided to stand my ground. Standing my ground consisted of sloooowly grabbing my 5-gallon bucket and inching closer to the fence post. Spider still there, hasn't moved or grabbed its bucket. We're doing good. I reared that bucket back and a millisecond before I whacked the post the spider JUMPED. It jumped. It jumped at the speed of light. It jumped and I died. No, it jumped and I screamed maybe peed a little and scared every heifer out of that corral. I look down, is it ON ME????? I CAN'T TELL BECAUSE I'M WEARING CAMOUFLAGE PANTS! Now what 43-year-old mother is wearing camouflage pants? Who am I? Team Realtree? No, a 43-year-old mother who, at a moment of weakness, was influenced by Temu and thought, "now those are some cute pants", well they're not but they are great for wearing in the wee hours of the morning when no one sees me. Except now that I am going to possibly have a medical episode because there may or may not be a spider IN MY POCKET, whoever finds me is going to think this was a hunting accident. You ever see me in camouflage pants? No, you didn't. So, I frantically do something resembling the moves that the 'tube man' you see in front of car dealerships does, and short of disrobing and/or setting everything on fire, I decide that I don't think it's on me. 

Covered in goosebumps and a little nauseous I grab my bucket only to find that I have blown a big hole in the side during the whacking. Great. Now there's a leeetle trail of grain everywhere I go. I get the heifers fed and get back in the tractor perched on the edge of the seat, convinced that monster is crawling up my back the whole way to Brooks.

You know what? It's going to be there tomorrow and I have no plan. NO PLAN. I know one thing; I won't be wearing camouflage pants.  

And that was my morning. How was yours?

-Rachael

Oh, hey!

Oh, hey!

Long time no see. Like 12 years no see...yikes. Let's not even begin to try to recap the last twelve years, shall we? Suffice it to say, I had a baby (9 years ago), there's been some weight lost...some gained, lots of gray hairs have sprouted, crows have tread, wherewithal has diminished...but patience? Lordy, patience has grown exponentially, about 9 times over to be exact (directly related to wherewithal). Still proudly dairy farming and a little over two years into milking cows with our Lely A5 robots.  

This was the first girl through the robots, a jersey *would* be the first, iykyk. Transitioning to robots was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I would do it all over again. The cows love the robots almost as much as me. The robots have improved every aspect of the herd, from health and wellbeing to reproduction, to production and feed efficiency. If Lely would hire me part-time, I'm certain I could sell these things. 

As far as every other aspect of the farm goes, it's still pretty much just the Angry Dutchman and I doing most things. You know how some people resemble their pets? Well, although the AD is twenty years my senior, we are basically the same size (I think his feet are smaller than mine donttellhimthat), sometimes his hair gets as long as mine, his crows stepped in quicksand along the way, and basically what I'm saying is he could be my pet. My older, geriatric pet. Who can't hear and bites first. We need a warning sign. But we definitely don’t look alike. Definitely. He's also an enneagram 8, like me. Finding that tidbit of information out involved him making me help him put a roof on a house and I ran out of things to talk about. Anyway, that's enough talk about that for now. 

I have thought so many times about bringing this back, because I really do have very unique daily experiences that offer a different perspective to this crazy world we all share. Every day is different with the underlying theme of "do your best and leave things better than you found them and try not to do anything stupid". I hope to take some of you along for the ride. 

Dairy farming is never easy, rarely ever fun, but so worth it at the end of the day. 

Talk to you soon,

Rachael