Monday, October 8


I try not to worry, try not to think about what could happen.  We live in a small town, not the big city after all.  Occasionally reality strikes and I realize that I have ignored silent calls for attention.  So silent that, unless you were looking for them, they easy go unnoticed.  

Men are the "protectors", especially in your line of work.  Who protects you?  Who erases the mental images from horrible, secret realities?  Who silences the noises from the helpless? 

Then it hits me.  I do.  

I, who so often am lost in my own world, with my own thoughts.  I, who think about the things that have happened to me at the end of the day, not the things you have seen.  Me.  Your love, your someone...your wife.

While it's so easy to ask, "what's wrong?", it's much easier to take the answer at face-value.  It's so easy to think it will get better, it will be OK.  Will it by itself?  Will it if looks don't linger after-the-fact?  Will it if I'm not looking for the clues? 

No, it's not a car chase or a showdown every day.  It's an ugly reality.  It's what happens behind closed doors.  It's what I don't see, but you do.  It's images, words, actions that cannot be erased from your mind.  They can't be taken back.  Nothing undone.

Patches are temporary.  Sewn with weak thread, in hopes of holding until they weaken and eventually tear...again.  Words are so easily used as bandages.  Words that come from mouths and not hearts.  Just to pass the time.

To be with you forever means to be strong.  Strong from the inside out.  Strength in emotions, feelings, thoughts.  Physically strong enough to hold you when you the thread gives way, and with a heart so strong it can handle months, years of ugly reality.  

I cannot make your days easier.  You have been put here, by God, to protect and serve.  It's your purpose, and something as natural to you as breathing.  I can be strong for you though.  So strong that nothing, not anything, can ever come between us.  We are one, and we will go through this life together. 

You and me.


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