Wednesday, August 14

In No Particular Order

 I have a guy working for me, I may have mentioned him a time or two.  This guy, we will call him 'Chatty Chip', tells me everything.  I mean everything.  I don't ask questions, I don't stir up conversation, that's not me!  I need him to come to work, and...get! 

Anyway, Chip tells me whatever is on his mind, whenever it's on his mind.  I believe that silence is golden, but he sees it as an invitation.  The never-ending invitation.
I know everything about Chip.  He knows nothing about me. 
Occasionally I will get an inkling to add to the already electrifying conversation, maybe a personal tidbit or two?  BUT by the time I have made the decision, Chip has plowed right over me, and I am left with my mouth open at which point I usually just say, "well, I gotta go!".  And I do. 
The problem, if you could even imagine there being one, is that he tells me things that stick with me.  Weird things.  Yucky things.  Gruesome things.  Things I need to tell someone!  So here ya go, in no particular order, "The Chronicles of Chip";

1.  Chip tore his ACL in high school, and a couple of weeks after surgery his knee was really throbbing.  He decided to take his brace off (which was apparently a no-no), and take a shower.  While in the shower he thought that bending his knee in a 'squatting' position was the best thing to do, and when he did the stitches busted open and what he described as, "off-white, blood covered infection" splattered all over the shower.  "It looked like someone blew up!!!", he enthusiastically told me as the blood drained from my body...
P.s. This jewel has been with me for TWO weeks.

2.  One time Chip was headed to the barn and had to stop to put his boots on.  He felt something 'pinch' his ankle as he pulled them on, however it stopped so he didn't think anything of it.  That evening he took his boots of and discovered a big knot on his ankle.  The next morning the "knot" had turned black and his foot was twice it's normal size.  "I thought that was pretty weird, so I went to the hospital" he said. 
That "pinch" was a Brown Recluse, which "after they dug it all out" required a skin graft from his upper thigh and fifty-two stitches.
Crocs it is!

3.  Chip had to stop going to his best friends' house recently.  He told  me that the last time he went over there, he "sat on the couch and 3 cockroaches crawled across my lap".  "Heck, you could move a picture on the wall, and under it would be filled with roaches", he elaborated as I threw up onmyfeet.

4.  During a brief stint as a groundskeeper at a high quality apartment complex, part of his duties were checking smoke detectors and changing air filters.  "Some people hated me coming into their apartment, a few older ladies would always bake cookies or brownies, and the stripper always came to the door naked...she didn't have cookies though", he stated matter-of-factly.

I really don't know how Chip has made it this far, but thanks to his willingness to tell-all, I am putting the puzzle together nicely.

Oh, don't worry you can thank me later for ALLLLL of those mental images....I no longer sleep at night.

Love and cookies!

P.p.s We got kittens!  I'll tell you about them later, promise!

1 comment:

  1. Quite a comprehensive story of life. Not bad, really. Look at what you're learning without the experience or the preaching.


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