Monday, July 29
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately..ya know, cuz that's what us farmers do.
Checking cattle, building fence, mowing a field...thinkthinkthink.
Anyway, I have been thinking about the reason I am here now. As in managing this farm now.
Not like, sitting at the kitchen table now.
Glad we cleared that up.
I'm back to me. The 'enjoying all of God's creation' me. The 'taking care of beautiful(and often sneaky) cattle' me. The me that has more time to be thankful. Just me.
That's not why we're here today....youcanbreathenow.
BUT, if can answer that quandary I would be delighted.
We're here, at the kitchen table, because I have been thinking a lot about moments.
Ever since Malinda's friend (and mine) Jaclyn gave me her "before wedding" advice I have thought about moments differently.
Jaclyn told me to take mental pictures of moments during my wedding day, and the days leading up to it. I am so thankful she did. There is no way a photographer could catch each and every special moment that took place, much less do it from my eyes.
Her advice was to, "take a step back, and watch every detail with the intent to revisit later".
I did, and continue to do so every day since.
Sometimes if I really concentrate I can remember special times from my childhood with such clarity, it's almost as if I was taking a mental picture.
I mean, a real picture is nice and all, but to be able to go back and feel something is irreplaceable.
...standing on the beach, just before sunset, trying not to cry...but crying..while holding Chuck's hands in mine, and looking into his eyes while reciting our vows...
These moments hit me while I'm driving to the COOP,
...my dad pulling poem, clipped from a newspaper, out of his suit pocket to use in his toast to us after the ceremony. A toast he spent more time secretly preparing for, than I spent worrying about him doing...
While I'm measuring a field, on foot, for fence posts,
...sitting at the tiny kitchen table at Granny and Granddaddys house, across from Granny Smith, while she tears open pink packets of Sweet'n'low...
Walking through the cows and calves while they relax in the shade,making sure everyone is there,
...standing at the top of the dairy barn, eyes closed, smelling cows and silage, while the fans blow, listening to the steady 'clank' of the headlocks, and feeling so full of love for each one of those animals...
Filling up mineral feeders,
...at Church with my two greatest blessings, when we stand to sing and MY SONG! MY ANTHEM, is the first one they play and I could just cry I'm so happy...
Checking fence in a new field,
...the last time I saw my mother, and how much more beautiful and happy she is each time I see her..
Driving to work,
...the last time I Face-Timed with Jackson, and he said 'I love you aunt Rachael'...
These moments are just a few I revisit each day. Memory is such a gift, and it only takes a second to make one. A second that could so easily be forgotten.
Thanks to Jaclyn I make a conscious effort to stop and look around me, take a deep breath and remember how if feels to be there. Sometimes it's hard to go back, sometimes it hurts but that's why those moments are in the past.
Maybe that's why I'm here now?