Beenie

In honor of my younger sister Rebecca(aka Beenie)'s birthday today I am dedicating this post to her!

Wooohoooo! She's the big 2-0!!

You may be wondering about the magnificent art shown above..

...and below...



Yeah it's a calendar...

You see although there is an 8-year difference between Beenie and I we have always been pretty close. 

So close that we used to make the Heat a calendar for every month starring "Beenie and Ray-Ray"..

Shush!

She LOVED those calendars!

As you can see in the month of May we were doing everything from pulling calves to celebrating Cinco de Mayo in our overalls and skirts...

This calendar was very accurate..all the way down to the color of the coveralls...

That's really the only way to tell us apart.

But we were always happy!

See...

That's the topper for the March calendar.

It was a windy month.

And just so you know it's a little difficult to make "wind" with the touch pad on your computer.

ThankYouVeryMuch.

We were always sure to include birthdays and special events in these calendars.

As well as important characters such as "Pete" and "Peabrain" the Guinea and Peacock who appeared in February.

I would very much like to tell you that we made these long, long ago when I was quite young..

So I will.

It was long, long ago when Beenie was 18...

WE were so young back then...

Oh yes Beenie and I have had good times...

There's been some water trough sittin..

..baby calf wranglin'...

..some of this....

...some of that...

..some "Queen of the mountain"...

...some "Maid of the mower"...

..some "Beenie goes to college"....

We even sledded on some grass once..

It was awesome.

Through thick and thin we have always been "Beenie and Ray-Ray".

Saying really dumb things.

Jammin out in the truck on the way to Sonic playin some air drums.

She once drank Hummingbird food and brushed her teeth with her face wash.

She is awesome.

She is my sister.

My friend.

My accomplice.

My "utha brutha Darrel"...

My Beenie.

Happy Birthday!!

I Have a Problem

And you will never guess what it is..

Granted I have many problems but this one needs to be addressed now.

Like right now.

Like yesterday.

Please excuse the low-quality picture above, you see it's rather difficult to take a picture and run backwards..

down stairs..

while squealing.

But I managed.  Thanks for worrying.

My problem revolves around those little masked critters in the picture.

No, they are not cats and the cats are not afraid of them.

Raccoons.

Or, if you're from around here "'coons", or supper..just kidding.

They are getting out of hand. 

I have put up with them eating the cat food for a while now, because they were considerate enough to eat it when I was not looking.

Sneaky-like.

Yesterday they CHASED me back into the office after I poured the cat food out.

So I shot 'em!! HA!!

No. I didn't.

I screamed like when I was little and the string fell off my June-bug's leg and I thought it was chasing me.

And I went out the other door..I like it better anyway.

I should have known this was coming when I was pulling into the dairy barn Monday morning and stopped because I could see something crossing the road in front of me.

It was 4 raccoons and one of them had a rolly bag.

"But Rachael, why don't you just stop feeding the cats?"

Because there are like a hundred of them and to this day I have NEVER seen a single mouse up here.

It would be a massacre.

They would pick me apart like a chicken leg.

I though we had nearly eradicated the 'coon infestation last year.

I had a guy from the co-op come and set out traps..he caught over 30 in a.Single.Month.

True story.

Then for about two months following that all he caught were cats.

Know how to make a cat really really mad without putting tape on its feet?

Let it sit in a 'coon trap.

Outside.

Overnight.

In the rain.

Their eyes turn red and they start speaking in tongues.

And the thought of NOT letting them out crosses your mind.

Shooting them is not an option...for me.

I seem to lack an important skill that would be required.

Aim.

Plus I don't like the idea of firing a gun inside my barn for very much the same reason you wouldn't want to fire one inside your house.

I would probably kill twelve cats and not a single raccoon.

Isn't that your reason as well?

So here I sit.

Knowing that in about 45 minutes I will need to go to the parlor and as soon as I walk out that door I will have sixteen raccoons waiting.

With doggie-bags.

What a dilemma.

Maybe I will just use the other door.



Respect

Blueteeth

I used to be one of those people who would see someone wearing a bluetooth earpiece and immediately roll my eyes and think Really? How important do you think you are?

Well..IWearOneNow.

What was that?

I wear a bluetooth. There. I said it. Loud and proud.

But I don't wear mine in public..unless you consider driving to be public..in which case I'm guilty.  I just wear mine at work and it really does help..I'm actually addicted to it and more than likely have a brain tumor the size of a grapefruit because of it. 

There are a number of pros and cons to these things you see and until you wear one you will not be able to wrap your mind around some of them..but I'm gonna tell you anyway...

Cons:

1.  There are a number of people like ME out there who will look at you and roll their eyes..be prepared.

2.  People will see you wearing this and ASSUME you LIKE talking on the phone. 

I. DO. NOT.  It simply provides me with the ability to do AWholeBunchOfStuff while talking on the phone.

It is because of #2 that I currently have 13 VOICEMAILS...grrrr.

Pros:

1.  People think I'm talking to myself. 

This is very much a pro because then they also think I'm crazy..and who wants to give a crazy person bad news?

2.  I can do virtually anything and continue a conversation like I'm sitting on the patio having a glass of tea.

Breed cows, give shots, pull calves..though the teeth clenching I do when pulling calves is a dead giveaway..

Chuck:  "What have you been up to?"

Me(mid-pull, full teeth-clench):  "Nnnnottt mmmuchhhh..get you're head over there! Crazy butt quit lookin at me!  Push! You want this out or NOT? I can only pull SO MUCH!! What have you been up to honey?"

3.  The biggest pro are the situations that occur when people don't realize you're on the phone and the person on the other end of the line can hear everything that's happening around you..

I have had everything from Spanish to curse words come at me while being on the phone.  It's nice.

Especially when you're talking to someone you do business with.

Or your fiance'.

Or your mother.

A minute ago Eddie walked into the office and just started talking at me..about the manure separator..and do you wanna know what I heard?

The following is what I heard..the blue is Eddie..the red is Chuck who I am on the phone with...and I'm just listening..BTW Chuck loves to sing Jason Aldean songs...

Hey did you notice the separator kickin on yesterday? oh baby you can find me in the back of a jacked up tailgate.. Well it acts like it's not got a good connection. sittin around watchin all these pretty thangs..yeah yeah... I don't know if the float is messed up on it or what.get down in that Georgia clay..Tell the Hondurans..ner ner nerrrrrr ner ner nerrrr(electric guitar solo)bababannnnaaaanana that they need to get it flushed out so we can look at it.and I'll find PEACE in the middle of a tall tall cold drink...I just don't think it's workin right. chillin with some Skynyrd and some old Hank.. Ok well I'll take a look at it in an hour or so.let's get this thang started..it's my kind of partaaayyyyyyy!

I love my honey.

And my bluetooth.

And Jason Aldean.

Redneck Riviera

As soon as it's above 60 degrees outside all people around here can think about is one thing..ice cream..the lake.
It doesn't matter if it's a sinkhole..if it holds water then more than likely people will be floating on it, wading in it, or laying out beside it. And they will be wearing things they shouldn't be wearing.

I am one of these people.

Actually I'm just the person laying out..I'm not real interested in getting in the water so much as it provides me with the excuse to lay out and get a tan.
Moment of honesty.
I mean I can't just drag my chair out into the dry cow lot and sunbathe for hours..psssssshhhh!
Do you know how many bugs there are out there?
ewww.

Instead we go to Tellico or Fort Nasty-er I mean Fort Loudon and get our East Tennessee blue-jean-swim-trunk-wearin selves out and say a whole bunch of stupid stuff.
It's ridiculous. .I can't even begin..no..I won't..

There are a few requirements for this "Redneck Riviera" outing:

First you have to have a super-cute first mate..hehehe..

And it wouldn't be a true Tennessee outing without a mascot...

It's always nice to be reminded that you are, in fact, in the heart of "did you just see that?"ville..

At least two navigators...

Or in our case...three...

Wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends..

And hitchhikers on the back of the boat...

But they're cute so we kept them.

And this..whatever this is..

Everything was for sale, by the way..

Finally you wrap it all up with a beautiful East TN sunset!

I love lake days..I LIVE for lake days.  It's what keeps me keepin' on...well that and calves in feed troughs.

You know what the best part of going on the lake is?  The day after...when you pull out your camera, or look at your text messages SENT and see things like this...

Oh yes.

T9 and Its Trickery

"We're on the ratio."
"I don't know if pie will be cake to do that."
"I'm ML."
"Wagon!"

Oh man "wagon!" makes me laugh every time.  Um that was supposed to be "Yahoo!" but at the last second T9 on my phone decided that more than likely I meant "wagon!". 
As in "I'm so excited! Wagon!", "Wagon it's going to be so fun!".
Makes me look like a moron.

So T9 is supposed to kind of remember the words you use most often right? 
Evidently I use "pie" and "cake" much more frequently than "she" and "able"..now what does that say about me?
I also speak in measurements such as mililiters more often than I say "OK" and prefer to sit on the "ratio" as opposed to the "patio".
So frustrating.

I won't lie I get a little excited when my phone has words in it's repertoire that I don't expect..like "heifer"..whoda thunk it?
The thing has "heifer" but not "canola"..whatever.

My favorite is when I send Chuck a text that says "I gotta go milk my boys"..
Cows.  Not boys.
Darn you T9!

By The Numbers

So...I went by the Heat's house a minute ago and definitely did a big exaggerated sigh...then I said something to the effect of "gohhhh I have been SO busy!  All I have had time to do today is work!"...

See it's not amusing until I mention the fact that SHE is the one who does the payroll around here..
So I said something like "OK well I gotta goDoThatThingWithTheStuffIt'sComplicated" and excused myself.

Anyway..yesterday was an exceptionally depressing work day.  I lost a calf, Melvin left, had to IV a cow, Chuck aggravated me, and had a couple more shots to give than I had hoped.
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

This is my current situation...by the numbers:

1. The number of babies I had yesterday.


2.  The number of BABY TOMATOES that call me mama..the newest one is a doll and her name is Roma.

Yeah I took a picture..just wait until I have kids.

3.  The number of orphan kittens I have inherited...one of which is Francine.  They all love me now by the way...it probably helps that I am their only source of food, but I like to think it's my comforting yet bubbly personality.

4.  The number of people I have working for me who CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME..(counting Eddie).


5.  The number of people I work with who don't speak English..(counting Tim and Eddie).


6.  The number of different kinds of ice cream I made this week..White Chocolate Blackberry rocked my socks off by the way..


7.  A movie that made me unable to sleep alone for YEARS.


8.  A word that rhymes with very nearly everything.


9.  The number of lives the one-eared three-legged cat started out with..I hope she is keeping track.


10.  As in 10-4..that's police-talk for O.K.
      Just so you know.
      I'm a co-supervisor in case you forgot.